Depression has always been a massive thorn in my side, a constant shadow of darkness chasing me as I try and get through the days. It lurks over my shoulder waiting for the opportunity to pounce on my, sometimes, weak mind. It doesn't take much for the opportunity to appear. The slightest most minute of incidents happen and I'm done. Swallowed up by, my old friend, the dark shadow. I succumb very easily, unfortunately.
Even the slightest change in routine can get to me. I know I need them, but I think I rely on them to much. If it's a little off or if the dynamics of the people within the routines are different, it sends me on a whirlwind mentally. It freaks me out. My anxiety is heightened, my body aches, the tension within is explosive and I shut down completely. Why? I have no idea. Do I want to change it? Yes. Do I want life to be ridden of schedules and time? No. Well, maybe a little because I definitely have a hard time when i don't have routines. Do I want to be a bitch to everyone around me? No. Do I know how to fix it? No fucking idea. These feelings are probably the top reason in why I'm starting to think that meds aren't such a bad idea.
My question is, are the dark shadows going to be following me around all my life? Is it always going to be so easy for it to overtake me and whisk me away to the land of loneliness? I'm not much of a church goer, but I know you are up there. So Lord, can you help me out on this one?
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