Maybe

"I would earnestly warn you against trying to find out the reason for and explanation of everything...To try and find out the reason for everything is very dangerous and leads to nothing but disappointment and dissatifaction, unsettling your mind and in the end making you miserable."
~Queen Victoria to her granddaughter, 1883

During my many years of Depression that I still battle today, I have searched high and low for a reason to the way I feel sometimes. I believe that there is a reason for EVERYTHING. I think to myself that there has to be some justification to the emotional turmoil in which I have felt. Reasons for my feelings, reasons for my thoughts, reasons for my hurt, reasons for my strength to get me through.
However, I'm starting to feel that during those intense conversations about "Reason" with myself I missed out on the journey of my life. While engulfed in thought, I missed opportunities to get better. I missed times that should have been enjoyed by me. I missed chances for my heart and mind to breathe.
Maybe, I am meant to feel this way. Maybe, I went down the wrong path. Maybe, I am where I should be. Maybe, there's a reason and maybe, there isn't. But, maybe, just maybe, I was meant to go through the pain for the reason of prepping me for something bigger and brighter.